Sir or Madam?


On January 2, 2010, a reader noted:

“I have the impression you are a gay male.
However, notwithstanding that …”


This, following on the heels of another comment two weeks earlier:

“I had no idea you weren’t male,
or even gay (like myself).”


These two most recent comments are certainly not the first to be voiced on the Errant Aesthete, yet after learning that cases of mistaken identity abound on the internet as evidenced by friend and fellow blogger, Little Augury [Ladies and Gentlemen] I thought, perhaps, a bit of clarification is in order.

Like LA, my avatar, too, is female which I mistakenly thought would settle the matter of gender once and for all. If it should even matter, which au fond it does not. Yet, it would appear that the lithe and lovely form of my female chanteuse is being perceived as a decidedly attractive man — dressed in drag. (Or, perhaps, it is my queenly writing style that is leaving readers mystified).

For the digital record, I am a heterosexual of the female persuasion, who is just the least bit flattered by the confusion, since I openly admit to an obsession for trousers and ties on me and on men (hetero and otherwise). It is my hope that this revelation, which has been in some doubt, will not offend, alienate, torment or anguish any and all.



When dealing with stifling matters, it is recommended to end on a charming note. Hence, a bit of amusement from Daphne Fielding, Marchioness of Bath:

It doesn’t matter

what you do

in the bedroom

as long as you

don’t do it in the street

and frighten the horses.


Photo: Milton Montenegro




~ by eaesthete on 01/03/10.

20 Responses to “Sir or Madam?”

  1. that quote deserves a huge airing! to wit- I was a bit flattered too. why? I can not say either. I hope my voice does not come off in too much satin & pearls-though these I like when paired with tweeds! It is-I think-the idea that a tone of truth-not gender-rings out. Birds of the feather-and all that! la

  2. Ohhh EA I did giggle through this post…… you have such a gift to turn….even the most delicate subjects into small literary delights!

  3. I’ve found a great many thoughtful posts for the turn of the year/decade. Many of us are glad to see the first decade of the 21st century depart and are hopeful for the second decade.

    That being said, I can see why readers might wonder about your sexual orientation…your site is exotic and mysterious…all indications of something more interesting than merely a healthy heterosexual female! :)

  4. That you had to make this announcement astonishes me!

  5. …probably doesn’t matter, but i always thought there was a female voice behind the screen and the words…;))

  6. Charlotte Whitton, who was the first woman elected mayor of Ottawa, the Canadian capitol, was a brave premature feminist when she said (at a press conference in answer to a questtion from a male reporter: “In order to be considered half as good as a man, a woman has to be twice as good. This is unfair. Fortunately it’s not difficult.” Consider yourself a recipient of the Charlotte Whitton award!

  7. You are a true wit, and you’ve handled the confusion with great aplomb!

    Thanks for the attribution to this quote, I had always wondered who’d said it!

  8. I am just pleased you weren’t offended otherwise I should have found that offensive ( I jest of course ).

    I think any confusion is allure-making, and so I am afraid you’ll just have to settle for being labelled ‘interesting’ – a feat surely today.

  9. Beautifully put.

  10. Dear EA,

    I’ve known all along that you’re female, but even if I hadn’t known, your wonderful Murphy-Goode video, which I watched several times, immediately revealed your identity! I still say it was a winner. Keep up the fabulous work with the website. Happy New Year!

  11. My sincerest thanks to all for enlightening the Errant Aesthete on this most trifling of topics.

    Birds of a feather are we all; some blessedly endowed with more plumage than others.

    California Girl,
    Most interesting. Hadn’t considered that.

    Propriety dictates that one smile, nod agreeably, and say nothing. But the frequency of inquiry suggested I put it to rest.

    In the memory of Charlotte, Honored!

    I was hoping someone would say that.

    My complete and utter thanks for your humor and graciousness.

    Wonderful to hear from you! Always gladdens my heart to know you’re around. Best wishes for the new year.

  12. I am absolutely delighted that you are a female with such wit and style I am proud of you. I aspire to be like your writings, and of your beautiful mind. Hope someday we can meet.

  13. This is a belated comment, but I’ve been rendered speechless and lost for words about this confusion here with you having to clarify your identity. I too had to post a clarification on my blog on a similar gender issue. After all the ripples, may I just say this:
    beauty is for all and excellence universal, and therefore never send to know from whom the post comes, it comes for thee.

  14. I am soooo tempted to mail you my white tie and tails. But I don’t think it would come close to fitting you regardless of the tailoring it would require.

  15. Let’s leave it simply as this. This is the finest blog that I have yet to see on the Internet. Thank you for sharing such an informed sensibility.

  16. I don’t care if you are a female or a male…the whole point is that I feel you…your sensitive and artistic soul…and I’m so grateful for all the beauty you share here on your blog…I also thought that you are a man (Lol)…now that I found out you are a female, I’m just even more proud to being a women…cause you and what you share here is simply magnificent. Keep up the great “work”…and thanks for lifting me up…

    Your Silent Reader…

  17. Richie,
    What can I say, other than to retreat in a tepid puddle of modesty. Thank you!

    As always, an eloquent and beautifully succinct response.

    I am flattered and thrilled to think you, Mr. Elegance himself, would come to my defense with tie and tails. Regardless of fit, it is the gallantry of the gesture.

    How heartfelt your response. Again, it is not the gender, it is the connection that resonates – soul to soul. I am touched.

  18. A Madam of course. I always thought of the errant aesthete as a woman, even long before she revealed herself in the wine competition. Worldly and either living in LA or New York City. Maybe married to a film maker..while he was off making his next feature motion picture, she decided to put together this unique and awe inspiring site. I for one am pleased that she did.

    • Dearest Ellen,

      I feel a special affection for anyone who endured my sojourn in the dastardly wine competition. I would like to think I am “worldly,” having lived in both
      LA and New York and I have dated with varying degrees of endurance several film makers. But alas, life has led me to a new chapter. You might find a
      more current update on my recently posted “Noticed.”

      Thank you for being such a faithful and assiduous follower in accompanying me on the Errant Aesthete.

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