The Cow Jumped Over the Moon
Illustration: Ken Greenhalph
When a sense of bleak creeps into my days as it has of late, I find myself welcoming those simple, unexpected moments that leave you shivery with silliness. Last night, I had one of my best on hearing the wondrous tale of a daring black heifer who, on her way to the slaughterhouse in New York City, had other ideas and made a mad and dainty dash for freedom.
Pandemonium ensued for close to an hour with normally unflappable New Yorker’s reacting in stunned disbelief, in some cases even running for cover as the 500-pound bovine wandered the streets of Queens for nearly a mile before being felled with a well-aimed dart.
The cleverly cow, nicknamed Molly, might have been channeling the moves of a distant relative, a Ohio cow, nicknamed Cinci Freedom, who in 2002, jumped a 6-foot fence to escape from a Cincinnati meatpacking plant and ran free in the park for ten barn-storming days.
While Molly’s fate was initially unclear, it turns out the kind folks at Animal Control confirmed that the old girl would be escaping the cleaver, residing instead in a new home at a 60-acre Long Island organic farm where, ever so conveniently, (this is after all a fairy tale ending), she will be bunking alongside Mr. Right.
As Rex Farr, owner of the farm observed, “[Molly] is here with her new boyfriend. She can eat some good organic hay and hang around with a lot of her friends. She can eat and sleep for the rest of her life. She is not going anywhere. Bottom line: she will have a very good home.”
File under happy.